Thursday, May 06, 2004

dmann and FRIENDS

[dmann] Know what would be a great finale?
[dmann] if it turned out that Chandler was fucking Rachel, and it caused a rift that tore all of the friendships apart
[dmann] that would be fucking real
[dmann] because THATS how it ends with a group of friends like that
[dmann] SOMEONE fucks someone elses wife
[dmann] and then none of your fucking friends wanna talk to each other
[dmann] and youre sitting around trying to figure out how to talk to any of them without dredging up memories from the past
[Vegas] actually, Joey would be fucking Rachel.
[dmann] no, in this case
[dmann] it has to be Chandler
[dmann] it has to fuck up TWO couples
[Vegas] nah, see that'd be kind of out of nowhere.
[Vegas] Joey fucking Rachel, however, would be inevitable
[dmann] if its just joey, Joey can be ostracised
[dmann] trust me
[dmann] ive lived this
[Vegas] and he'd be all like, "Just deal with it Ross."
[dmann] IM the Joey
[Vegas] and everyone takes Joey's side.
[dmann] I didnt fuck Jen Kees
[dmann] NOO
[Vegas] Ross fucking FREAKS.
[Vegas] never talks to any of them again, including his sister.
[dmann] it was MATT
[dmann] im the goofy single guy
[Vegas] Monica resents Rachel and Joey for estranging her from her brother.
[dmann] and for FUCKING HER HUSBAND
[Vegas] Chandler eventually resents Monica for pulling away from his friends.
[dmann] Trust me
[Vegas] Chandler and Monica split up, Ross has long since disappeared, Joey and Rachel never really amounted to more than a sport fuck, and Phoebe flips.
[dmann] you wonder why i keep everyone at an emotional distance?
[Vegas] THAT'S how it would play out.
[dmann] because ive HAD that group of friends
[dmann] Trust me, Vegas, i really really know this situation
[Vegas] well, it could play out a lot of different ways.
[Vegas] but that's how I think they'd end up in real life.
[dmann] If its just joey fucking rachel, its a single male
[dmann] that means that Joey gets ostracized and moves to LA
[dmann] the show isnt over
[dmann] they just get a new neighbor
[dmann] like diane leaving CHEERS
[dmann] if its chandler and Rachel fucking, its a betrayal at the most base level, Ross and Chandler are the oldest male bond there
[dmann] for it to be Joey, he would have to be fucking Monica, but it still means a lone male leaves
[Cathy] really, not joey and chandler before them, dmann?
[dmann] a sitcom, or a sitcom type existence cant survive a fourway nuclear meltdown
[dmann] no, Ross and Chandler are college buddies
[dmann] See, my life used to be a hip 20something sitcom
[dmann] There were three couples, and me, the wacky single guy
[Vegas] I still say Joey grudgefucking Rachel (not because he hates Rachel, but because they're both tired of Ross) would be all it takes to split all six of 'em up over time
[dmann] and then in one season, EVERYONE got married
[dmann] but the wacky single guy
[dmann] we even had that midseason sweeps TV movie where everyone went to Vegas
[dmann] Then people started having kids
[Vegas] my show got moved to a different network one year and replaced with completely different writers.
[dmann] and the sitcom remained
[dmann] because it was still funny
[Vegas] one season I'm drunk and coked up and barely employed, the next season I'm making 50K a year with a wife and two kids.
[Vegas] it'd have totally gotten canceled.
[dmann] it became a show less about playing cards and drinking, and more about watching football and cooking
[dmann] but still funny
[Vegas] "Yeah, the Vegas show totally jumped the shark when he met that chick online."
[dmann] barely picking up work as the nerdy friend on the show about the hot wife and the job and his Garage
[Vegas] because it's just not fun to watch people when they're happy
[dmann] Im that nerdy friend on JEFF'S WORLD
[dmann] and im not in every episode
[dmann] Theres been a lot of stuff thats funny the last five years
[dmann] well, on the Vegas Show there is
[dmann] and i know that THREE COUPLES AND A DMANN ended harsh
[dmann] but hes really funny on THE JEFF SHOW
[Vegas] the Vegas show now has jokes like Bunda peeing on the bathroom floor but remembering to flush the toilet.
[dmann] no, as i said..... Matt was fucking Scott's wife
[Vegas] which, in real life, was really fucking funny
[Vegas] speaking of Bunda, time for a change
[dmann] and the dmann spent a week inside a bottle of jim beam
[dmann] like i said
[dmann] not really a great series finale

Yet oddly appropriate...

No comments: