Sunday, May 20, 2007

Fun with jr!

jr joined the chat room.
Kal-El: Hey jr
jr: bon jour
Adam: jr!
jr: or rather
jr: bon nuit
jr: its 10 to 12 here
Adam: What's on tap tonight, jr?
jr: Stella
Adam: blech
Adam: trendy goat pee
jr: I had a glass of wine at teatime but I have a mouth ulcer
jr: and it hurtses
jr: beer is alkaline
Adam: jr has the herpes
jr: so doesn't hurt
jr: er, no
jr: a MOUTH ULCER
Adam: HERPES OF THE MOUTH
jr: no thats cold sores
Adam: jr gave Liv Tyler the veedee
jr: I watched a few episodes of Spaced, launched an attack across northern vietnam to cut off the japanese army in south indochina... and shot down a Heinkel 111 with ROCKITS
jr: tv, and computer games
jr: how did people manage before they were invented?
Adam: They used swords.
jr: yeah
Adam: And serving wenches
Kal-El: jr--they churned butter
jr: but when there wasn't a war on?
jr: right
jr: they churned butter
jr: reaped corn
Ozymandias: Canker sours are sometimes caused by herpes.
Adam: jr reaped my corn's childhood!
jr: very witty
Adam: Canker sours? Are those the new Altoids?
jr: in the olden days, they didn't have grand theft auto, swearing on TV, canned refrigerated beer, realistic WWII flight simulators or fanatically dorky WWII strategy games
jr: ergo
jr: the past SUCKED
jr: pretty much everything I did today wasn't possible even 25 years ago
jr: except the beer
Kal-El: Yes jr--it sucked
Ozymandias: sores*
Kal-El: I regretted leaving mom and dad back on Krypton
jr: In Hearts of Iron 2 I'm playing Britain
Anghus: there was this display in the airport showcasing all this technology
Anghus: going from atari forward to today
jr: its late 1943 and America hasn't done a DAMN FUCKING THING
jr: I persuaded them to join in in early 1941 and they've just built stuff
jr: but DONE NOTHING
jr: curse you , america!
jr: er
jr: I mean
jr: curse you, virtual america!
Adam: Yeah, but you aren't gonna win without 'em.
Adam: So deal, limey.
jr: well, so far I'm HAVING to
jr: I invaded Japan on my own
Kal-El: Yeah--jr--just in case Homeland Security is watching
Adam: USA
Adam: USA
jr: its 1943, and so far Canada has been far more useful
jr: hell, even Greece has done more to fight global fascism
jr: fighting WWII is easier with hindsight... and if the other side is controlled by an AI
Kal-El: You do not want any Jack Bauer types kicking down your door
Adam: Yes. They provided 300 Spartans. And many, many boys.
jr: Jack Bauer types have no authoritie here Kal-El
jr: we have James Bond types instead
Kal-El: Yes make them respect your authoratah
jr: when I played Germany I totally invaded the USA
jr: them Panzers, they ROLL baby
Kal-El: I am waiting for Red Dawn the video game
jr: I love the bit in San Andreas in the Ammu-nation shops
jr: 'the Ammu-nation film festivals featuring screenings of the documentary RED DAWN'
jr: also
jr: wow, this is almost film related
jr: PEARL HARBOUR SUCKS
jr: for reasons OTHER than those already stated
jr: many times
Kal-El: jr--I get to hear stories from my parents how they lived throught the bombings of Britain
jr: Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett take off and shoot down about 20 japanese planes right
jr: your parents.... how old are they?
jr: my dad was born in like 1944
jr: and I'm 34
Kal-El: 82-and 78
jr: how old are you Kal-El
Kal-El: My parents were born in the twenties
Saffy: Mine were born in the 50s
Kal-El: In Scotland--they fought alongside William Wallace
jr: er
jr: that was 900 years ago
Kal-El: I know but they are old
Kal-El: and from Scotland
Adam: Kal's dad is the Kurgan
jr: the nasty nazis mainly bombed London
Kal-El: He was when I was growing up Adam
jr: and industrial cities
jr: my grandma says she used to hide my dad under the table when 'german bombers' flew over
jr: but he was only born in 1944
jr: she was probably hiding him from Lancasters or B-17s
Kal-El: My mother worked in the Land army and my father served in the Merchant Marines
Vamp: Are you English too, jr?
jr: indeed
Adam: My father was hidden from the Nazis by his aunts
jr: Adam is talking arse
Kal-El: I have one sister who is British and another who is American
Adam: They made him wear a dress. No shit.
MoriWritingFiveArticles: That ain't the way I heard it. I heard they had to hide the Nazis from him, Adam!
jr: anything to get out of service in the SS eh?
Adam: My grandfather was the regional governor in Debrecen. He was killed just prior to the war.
MoriWritingFiveArticles: Adam, like his father, just loves a man in uniform.
Adam: SHHHH
Saffy: that's what a fool believes
Adam: I haven't gotten the chloroform for when we go to jr's, Perfesser
jr: my grandad horrocks was an aircraft repairman. God help the RAF. He could barely attach a plug to a cable when I knew him.
Adam: My father was born in 1940, jr. He wouldn't have been much use to the SS. However, they might have inducted him into the Hitler Youth
jr: hey don't knock it
jr: its like the Boy Scouts but with badges for jew-baiting
Saffy: Oh my god
Saffy: I think jr may have sent me directly to hell with that
jr: the boy scouts won't teach you how to clean and load an MP44, dig a fox hole and fight to the death against the Red Army
Adam: They used to.
jr: Hell - thats where all the cool people go right
Kal-El: I knew what I will be doing in Hell
jr: where do cool people go now... Marakesh?
Saffy: Stop making me laugh at Nazi's jr
jr: no wait that was the 60s
Saffy: it isn't good
jr: Laughing at nazis is very healthy Saffy
jr: why do you think Nazism never took off in Britain or the USA or France?
Adam: Especially Illinois Nazis
jr: all the same conditions were there
jr: the depression hit America worse than anywhere
Saffy: our awful fashion sense and disdain for little mustaches
jr: you picked Roosevelt, germany picked HItler
Kal-El: Yeah those Illinois Nazis---I hate them guys
jr: Can anyone here see footage of Hitler, and understand at all how he was supposed to be charismatic?
Kal-El: jr--it was the comb-over
jr: I mean, trying to forget what we know about him already
Saffy: he looks like a methed out grandfather
MoriWritingFiveArticles: You know you're a scumbag when you completely ruin a moustache for anyone else in history.
Kal-El: Chicks dig the comb-over
jr: I dunno Mori
jr: people still have Josef Stalin moustaches
jr: mainly cops
Saffy: I saw a cop pull over a guy a few days ago.
MoriWritingFiveArticles: Like... what would I have to do to make sure no one would ever wear a goatee again? Eat babies on television?
jr: er
jr: try invading poland mori
jr: that practically guarantees bad press
Saffy: This cop looked like the guy central casting would send you if you asked for "TX Cop"
Kal-El: jr--invading Poland has been done to death
jr: er... invade poland and WIN I mean
jr: if you lose it doesn't work
Saffy: I mean if he pulled me over I would HAVE to crab a camaro and run from him
Saffy: on principle
jr: the Red Army tried to invade Poland in the 20s, got totally ass-kicked
Kal-El: assasinating the archduke--priceless
jr: I'm an englishman born in 1973. In a capitalist democracy and thats a good thing. I've never had to go to war. So why am I so obsessed with the nazis and the red army?
jr: theres a row of books on my shelf about that subject
jr: I'm neither a commie nor a nazi
Kal-El: jr--good reading material
jr: But - I really like tanks
jr: and fighter planes
jr: specially ones with propellors
Adam: Because you like thigh high boots and those pants with the big hips
jr: well OBVIOUSLY
jr: I mean who doesn't
jr: god knows.. have you seen the british uniforms in WWII?
jr: jesus
jr: the nazis were SNAPPY
Kal-El: And the goose step---unfortunatley did not take off as a national dance craze
jr: the commies kind of went in for long black leather coats and pistols too.. bit like the matrix
Saffy: For a bunch of gay hating monsters they did have great fashion sense huh?
Kal-El: Favorite sorta WW 2 movie TOP SECRET!
Kal-El: Saf--men with fashion sense= gay
jr: so the SS were gay?
jr: ok I can buy that
jr: in that case, the british army of WWII must have been overflowing with heterosexuality, considering how god-awful there uniforms were
jr: no wonder we won at El-Alamein
Ozymandias: tsk tsk tsk, jr.
jr: oh what have I done now
Ozymandias: Are you saying gays don't make good soldiers.
jr: well
jr: yes
jr: except the spartans
jr: obviously
Kal-El: jr---has a point--He watched Will And Grace
Saffy: It's not just that the Nazi's had fashion sense, they knew how to put on a show
jr: yeah
Adam: Dancing.
Adam: Singing.
Adam: Beer hall putsching.
jr: the Stukas had speakers on their wheels to go 'WHHEEEEEEEEEEEEE' when they dived
Saffy: Goose Stepping
Adam: Yeah, the Nazis were a barrel of laughs.
Saffy: not " ha ha circus" show
Saffy: but they were masters of spectacle
Saffy: either that
Adam: Well, yes
Saffy: or the Germans are dumbasses
Adam: Like the Romans were, too
jr: they weren't dumbasses
jr: except they were
jr: nazi germany is a fine example of the difference between academic brains and common sense
jr: the space race - between america and russia? for the first 20 years it was between the germans captured by the western allies and the germans captured by the soviets
jr: Einstein - german
jr: hell, Oppenheimer? Not exactly anglo-saxon is it (Editor's note: Weren't the Angles and the Saxons GERMANIC?)
jr: my point is germany was full of very, very clever people who decided to let hitler boss them about
jr: Hitler himself being a very clever man too of course, but still
jr: I just spilled beer on my mousemat
jr: see. these very clever germans were beaten by people like us
jr: a nation whose citizens a) spill beer on their mousemat
jr: or
JeTmAn_: I read that Hitler was quite keen on capturing Clark Gable when he was fighting in the air force. His favorite actor.
jr: b) make SPiderman 3
Adam: Hitler was the Kim Jong-Il of his day. Except better dressed.
MoriWritingFiveArticles: Hey, we didn't all make SPIDER-MAN 3. Let's be careful in laying blame.
jr: Stalin was a big movie fan too
jr: were... canadians involved?
Saffy: we all get the Spiderman we deserve
Adam: No. They're still responsible for Bryan Adams, though.
Jacob: saffy.. how was shrek 3?
jr: Democracies are more haphazard - and lets face it - incompetent as hell. But we manage.
Saffy: It was Shrek 3
Saffy: it wasn't that bad
MoriWritingFiveArticles: Jacob has now asked you that 4000 times.
Saffy: it wasn't fantastic
Saffy: Mori how about the Donner Cut?
MoriWritingFiveArticles: It is obviously essential that he knows so that he can continue his life.
Jacob: I remember hearing that she was going yesterday.
Jacob: wanted to ask.
Saffy: Hey! No one asked my how Shrek3 was
Adam: Jacob, how was VAN HELSING?
jr: Me, how were those last 4 pints?
jr: damn fine, damn fine
Jacob: it was shit.,. even in HD.
Saffy: I can't help it, the baby Donkey Dragons were cute and Puss in Boots makes me giggle. KILL ME
jr: God I love beer. So much so that it scares me
jr: its not just the alcohol its the taste
jr: and I used to HATE the taste when I was a teen
Adam: If a woman tasted like beer, jr would wed her in an instant
Saffy: I've seen jr's picture
jr: no.. girls taste ok too
Saffy: and since life ins't fair
Saffy: he is quite attractive
jr: it sure ain't!
jr: I am?
Adam: You're not an ugly man, jr.
jr: people keep telling me I look like Dr Who
jr: David Tennant
Adam: And that's a bad thing?
Adam: Hell, no.
Adam: Capitalize on that.
jr: I don't know, I'm not a girl
Adam: Show some girl your "Tardis"
Saffy: See it's hard to want to give someone so attractive a swirlie
jr: whats a swirlie
Kal-El: jr--what are you doing in here chatting with us then--when fine women like Saf think you got something going on
jr: erm
jr: I don't think she likes me to that degree
jr: or indeed at all
Saffy: I want to put your head in a toilet and flush it on occaision
jr: ah
Saffy: but you are funny A LOT
Saffy: so...
jr: girls are supposed to like funny too
Adam: They do.
jr: but in person, in real life, I'm a lot shyer than I am here
jr: a LOT
Kal-El: jr--you have a TARDIS--no shit
jr: awkward. Quiet. Basically - how you stereotypically see the englishman
jr: not very good with people
jr: I type better than I talk
Saffy: YOU not very good with people
Saffy: psssht you lie
Adam: You don't look nearly as poncey as I picture teh English, jr
jr: what do you think we look like
jr: we look like white americans
jr: or white americans look like us
Adam: Poncey white Americans
JeTmAn_: you all look like rowan atkinson
jr: thank god we don't
jr: I'm very thin
jr: reaaally thin
jr: my nerves made me feel sick a lot a year ago so I hardly ate
jr: and I haven't put the weight back on
Vamp: English poncey? The home of the SAS
jr: and the Iron Duke
jr: Nelson
jr: and various other barbarous warlords
jr: all AWESOME, each in their own way
Adam: Prince Charles
Adam: I rest my case.
jr: no, not really a barbarous warlord
jr: more of an upper class hippy
jr: I mean he talks to his plants for fucks sake
Kal-El: jr--this is why you are alone--chicks don't dig war
jr: no, thats true
JeTmAn_: spartan chicks do
jr: girls are just so un-fascinatined by the differences between a Spitfire MkV and the Focke-Wulf 190A