Sunday, July 29, 2007

CHIPMUNKS RAPED NORDLING'S CHILDHOOD!

Spykidthe13th: Won't you take me to ...
Spykidthe13th: FUNKYTOOOOWN.
Nordling: If you say you enjoyed that trailer, Spykid, so help me God I'll go back in time and irradiate your father's balls.
Nordling: I compare that trailet to the Holocaust.
Nordling: A character ate shit, and I could relate, because I saw the CHIPMUNKS trailer.
Nordling: You know that scene in SCHINDLER'S LIST where the red-dress girl walks through all that chaos, death, and destruction in the Krakow ghetto? That little girl was me, and that trailer was the ghetto.
Nordling: Have I explained just how much that trailer killed God?
Nordling: Have I explained that if Jason Lee were to take a cock in every available orifice, including earholes and nostrils, and having husky shaved monkeys rigorously pumping semen into them for hours on end, while bearded men play "Nearer My God To Thee" on kazoos encircling the simian-bang, would be more dignifying to him than being in the CHIPMUNKS movie?
Fanboy: dude chipmunks will rock
* Spykidthe13th cries.
* Spykidthe13th cries from Nordling's words.

Nordling: If I dipped my balls in ink, and teabagged Jason Lee's shaven head, the resulting drawing would be better than the CHIPMUNKS movie.
Spykidthe13th: Nord - I enjoyed how they looked, I enjoyed them singing "Funkytown." They got all three exactly right, and they got Alvin perfectly, doing something Alvin would do. I HATE poo humor, though, so that hurt it with me.
Spykidthe13th: So it was like, oh! oh! oh! ewwwwww, damn it.
Nordling: If I took a wire hanger, aborted about 1000 fetuses with it, then drew stick figures on a prison wall with it, I would make a more compelling story than ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS.
Spykidthe13th: OK, now you're just being mean to me deliberately.
Spykidthe13th: :)
Nordling: The cacophony of screams from raped blind orphans would be better to listen to than to hear Jason Lee scream "ALVIN!"
* Spykidthe13th writhes on the ground in agony over Nord's words.
Spykidthe13th: I'm SO glad they're wearing their regular fashions, and not that gangster crap.
Spykidthe13th: I guess that was just a gag for the poster.
Spykidthe13th: Still don't like them being 10" tall.
Spykidthe13th: But hey.
Nordling: I hope I make you cry, Spykid. Your tears would be wonderful masturbatory lubricant to me if they cried tears over the realization of truth that ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS will suck like Linsey Lohan in a black hole created by the Hoover Company.
Nordling: Did I properly explain how much this film will suck?
Nordling: I'm not sure I conveyed the level of suck properly.
Spykidthe13th: Nord, see, the thing is, at the end of the day, it's still an ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS movie, which is better than no ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS movie, to me, and thefore there's no way it can completely suck. TYhey're characters I love, and the origianl voice actors (well, of the 80s, before that Alvin was voiced by the 'real' Dave Seville, and the new guy is his son).
Nordling: No.
Nordling: No, you're not understanding me.
Nordling: I will repeat..
Nordling: I hope I make you cry, Spykid. Your tears would be wonderful masturbatory lubricant to me if they cried tears over the realization of truth that ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS will suck like Lindsey Lohan in a black hole created by the Hoover Company.
Nordling: Have I explained that if Jason Lee were to take a cock in every available orifice, including earholes and nostrils, and having husky shaved monkeys rigorously pumping semen into them for hours on end, while bearded men play "Nearer My God To Thee" on kazoos encircling the simian-bang, would be more dignifying to him than being in the CHIPMUNKS movie?
Nordling: You know that scene in SCHINDLER'S LIST where the red-dress girl walks through all that chaos, death, and destruction in the Krakow ghetto? That little girl was me, and that trailer was the ghetto.
Nordling: The cacophony of screams from raped blind orphans would be better to listen to than to hear Jason Lee scream "ALVIN!"
Nordling: If I dipped my balls in ink, and teabagged Jason Lee's shaven head, the resulting drawing would be better than the CHIPMUNKS movie.
chewybrain: rorschach ball art
* Spykidthe13th listens to Nord again. "Um, all I heard there was something about Alvin and masturbatory lubricant. Sorry."
chewybrain: that's awesome
Spykidthe13th: I kinda faded after that.
Spykidthe13th: :)
Nordling: Insurgents screaming to Allah as they are blown apart in Iraq scream cries of victory because they dided before they lived in a world that had the Chipmunks movie in general release.
Weresmurf: lol
Weresmurf: Nord, Im just gathering they paid Lee a *LOT* of money
Spykidthe13th: Nord, but THE CHIPMUNK ADVENTURE already did get released.
Spykidthe13th: Were, I figure he wants to make family flicks.
Spykidthe13th: Were, because he's a dad now.
Spykidthe13th: And I'm gonna go see UNDERDOG, too, though I'm not rabid about it.
Spykidthe13th: A&tC I'm very rabid.
Nordling: I'm a dad now, but I'm not going to suck the cocks of a thousand herpes ridden donkeys for some cash. Which, I equate to being in the Chipmunks movie.
Weresmurf: You know I hope the chipettes come in, and get raped by other rodents...
Spykidthe13th: Were, I figure the Chipettes will cameo in the last gag.
Nordling: I figure I will gag.
Spykidthe13th: Were, if someone asked me how I think the movie will end, and this is with no foreknowledge, I figure that they'll be sitting around gloomily complaining to eachother about having only human girl-fans, and that this makes it hard for them to deal with it, and then you'll hear the Chipettes off-camera and they'll pan over to see them, and then you'll get a shot of the guys' eye-popping reaction and then Alvin will look
Weresmurf: I dunno, the trailer Spy, I found to have a little almost-giggle in it, but then ya really have to ask, why did they resort to shit-eating for a joke?
Nordling: I think the movie will end with me killing a baby to cleanse the palate of suck that I will have had to endure knowing this film exists.
Weresmurf: Nord so you'd rather sit thru Boll than a Munk movie?
Nordling: Absolutely.
Nordling: Thank God Boll didn't direct this. Art, as we know it, would end. I would wipe my ass on the Mona Lisa, because what would be the point?
Nordling: We have reached the nadir.

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